Just Saying

Things I Will Never Write About On This Blog:

The Arab/Israeli conflict. No winners. Bad real estate. Religion.

My neighbor's vagina.

My neighbor's other thing that sounds like a motorcycle. Tiny motorcycle with "Hello Kitty" designs on it.

Food that comes in round paper buckets. Trapezoidal paper buckets and actual metal buckets are OK, though.

This blog. Except this one time. You see the logical conundrum.

Foghat. I just have absolutely nothing to say about Foghat, and so should you.

Canadian francophone television humor. One simply cannot discuss that which does not exist.

Lite beer. Really. Look at me. Does anything about me say "lite beer?!" Heck no.

Small dogs. Except that I despise them. Dogs are supposed to be BIG. Capiche?

People who say "Capiche." If I discuss my relations with them I will surely die a violent death at the hand of close relatives.

My old lovers. I've already smeared them enough in college literary publications. And besides, they're all old and can't get it going anymore. Not me, though. I'm literally a marathoner. But I'm not proud. That's just the way it is. 2:46 best. 33.29 in the 10K on the track. Sheesh.

Celtic step-dancing. The fiddles are way OK though.

Arizona pizza. We have the best pizza shop in the world down at Copper Square. But I will not discuss it here. Instead go to his sandwich shop up Central a little ways.

Actual medical stories. Federal law requires that I fictionalize everything I say about my job, which does not actually exist. Ever. Anywhere. Period. So I will never discuss things that occur at The Great Muffin Factory where I allegedly work if I even had a job, which I probably don't, since these are quite scarce.

Nail care. I have my ideas, you have yours. Mine are better, but these require asymmetry and a lot of various files and papers.

Cedar versus Spruce. I'm leaning towards spruce, but then again there was that old Ramirez I played in college. Loud and dark, but not so easy. OK, spruce has it. Heck, why not both?

I don't count guitars anymore. It's rude. Really.

Episodes. I have a general rule in life just to never discuss Episodes. Ususally it's embarrassing to somebody, and we don't go for that here. Unless you're a Republican. Then, as we like to say, it sounds better in metric.