Friday, October 20, 2006

Honest to God Real Conversation

The spouse and I were going an early dinner at a hip local place and while we were mulling over the kisras on the menu we overheard the two gentlemen at the next table.

"I for one," said a balding bespectacled mousey guy, "Am sick and tired of the gays in this country thinking that they can just shove their agenda right down our throats."

His dinner guest harumphed in agreement through a mouthful of lamb and greens.

My spouse leaned in to me and said "They're a little loud, don't you think?"

"That's the guy at the newspaper who makes fun of my blog name," I said, "And that's J.D.Hayworth with him."

"Foghorn Leghorn himself?" asked my soul mate.

"Thet boy ain't raght," I drawled in a sad mimicry of the famous cartoon character. We couldn't help but overhear them as they continued their rude discussion, probably inspired by their phobic observations of the waitstaff and some of the restaurant clientele.

The red-faced politician replied "They think they can just jerk us around anytime they want."

It seemed to us that they were entirely unaware of the ironic homoeroticism of their remarks.

"We shouldn't take this sitting down," said MacEachern. I watched his head slowly turn after he stared over the tight jeans of the passing waiter.

"We can't remain passive as they continue to try to stick it to us," said MacEachern.

"After this election I'll be giving them something to chew on," Hayworth said.

"We'll show them a thing or two," added MacEachern.

We tried hard to pretend that we were unaware of their remarks, but it was too much and I may have actually spewed a sip or two while holding back a full-blown guffaw.

"Full-blown." Heheheh.

"I'll be happy to lend you a hand," replied Hayworth, who went on to say "And when Prop 107 gets rammed through, they can just suck on it."

Then MacEachern misspoke, I think. He probably meant to say it was "time to take our country back" but his tongue slipped and he left off the final syllable of the word "country," which caused spasms in my spouse. On the way out we kept saying that he said he "wants their c#nt back," over and over, like they're going to share it once it is retrieved. As if they only had one between the two of them.

Well, who could blame them for their righteous concern?

Certainly not I.

7 comments:

Zelph said...

Ha ha ha! This is too funny. I need to hang out at trendy restaurants more often. I linked to this at AZnetroots.com. Awesome!

michael said...

Doug MacEachern is a fucking douche. In June he wrote a column for the Republic about his visit to Italy, in which he revealed himself as a typical ugly American.

Being half-Italian, I've seen a few too many American tourists make asses of themselves over there. I made sure to let him know via email how incredibly embarrassed he ought to have been for his behavior - and then writing about it for all the world to read - if he had had even half a clue.

Which he doesn't. MacEachern and JD "4th dumbest member of Congress" Hayworth - a perfect match.

Zelph said...

Let's Google Bomb the midterms!

michael said...

make sure and write doug.maceachern@arizonarepublic.com

he'll write you back... be warned he's got a thin skin. Maybe because he knows exactly how big an idiot he is.

Zelph said...

I'm pretty sure this is a spoof. Neither Foghorn or Doug McCracker are clever enough to come up with all those double entendres.

shrimplate said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Becca said...

Stuff like this almost makes me miss being in Phoenix. And the restaurant sounds nice too!

But I have my own looney-toon congress critter here--it seems that I live in the district of none other than ... "Mad" Tom Tancredo. Sadly, he makes J.D. seem sane.