Friday, November 14, 2008

Thus Poked

Schools, like students, are merely commodities to be exploited for financial gain. A steady infusion of taxpayer money into the pockets of private education providers will ensure that this artificial market will remain profitable for those who own and administer schools.

When life gives you lemons, throw them at somebody. But save some to make a pitcher of lemonade. Then throw that at somebody.

For a good while in my life I could consistently run two miles, on the track or on the roads, pretty fast. So somebody could say "Hey, where's shrimplate? I just saw them maybe ten minutes ago!" and I'd be two miles away. Now I just go hide somewhere instead.

Stock up on a variety of guitar strings. They're not going to get any cheaper.

Coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon.

Always, always, be kind to operatic sopranos. Even the little ones.

It's not like grandmother used to say: "necessity is the mother of invention." It's the opposite. Something gets invented and subsequently it becomes a necessity. Cellphones. Microwave ovens. In-home hot running tap-water. Laptops. Telecasters.

If you should find yourself in the hospital and you are sure that you are being under-medicated for pain, consider doing this: Put on your call light, wait patiently for the nurse to come to you, then capture them and hold them prisoner. Then soon you will get a large amount of medicine to help you relax and feel better.

It has not yet been clinically demonstrated that moderation causes cancer. But it could.

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