Saturday, May 14, 2005


As surely as our planet spins, so today, as in every day, some Republican blowhard somewhere will spin the abortion debate against any and all political threats. They've been doing it for over twenty-five years, since the annointment of B-movie actor Ronald Reagan to spearhead the Alzheimerization of this country's noble experiment with democracy.

Once in a great while, and usually at the state or local level, a Republican effort to stifle access to abortion succeeds. Red meat for red state "values" voters, these accomplishments serve to hassle poor and working women who need the service, but the procedure itself still thrives and anyone with the money can get one anytime.

So, the next time you see Representative Redfaced Knuckledragger (Snotsdale) on Faux News screaming at his political opponents about the evils of abortion, keep this in mind: the Republicans do not ever want to lay down their biggest club. They've been bashing the Democrats with this issue for decades, and if abortion is truly banned, they will lose a trusted weapon. They will never outlaw abortion. They need it. Without it, they would not survive as a political party.

What? They could continue to run on economic and foreign policy issues?!

It has been written that our current chief knuckledragger, the Preznit himself, drove his then-underage pregnant girlfriend to have an abortion way back when. (Bartcop laid this out years ago. It's in his archives. Names are named.) We all know about Bob Barr writing a check for one.

It's OK if you're a Republican. Youthful indiscretions. Pre "born again." The sun got in their eyes.

It's the same with military base closings. The Republicans do not want to save money by closing bases, but they do want to threaten Democratic districts with the economic hit that would go along with the loss of a local military installation, and reward Republican districts with military pork.

Obsolete desert airbases, the other white meat.

It's the same with gay-bashing. The Republicans are virulently anti-homosexual, except when it comes to an undisclosed Whitehouse insider who rewards JimmyJeff GuckertGannon with a spiffy press card to presidential briefings, as a token of appreciation for being such a good "top."

It's the same with the sanctity of marriage. Red state divorce rates and the serial marriages of Limbaugh, Gingrich, and the guy who sued his political opponent because he was really only married five times, not six, as she had claimed; Henry Hyde's girlfriend, the guy who had a donkey for a girlfriend when he was growing up on a farm... These are the Republican defenders of the institution of marriage.

Republican commitment to marriage is about as intact as Ann Coulter's hymen.

So again I ask my Republican friends: why do you buy all this?

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