Sunday, March 11, 2007

History as it Will be Taught After 9/11

Common political myths and their true explanations:

"There has neve been a homosexual president."

Not true. Recent forensics have revealed that not only was Mary Todd actually a man, and a homely one at that, but that she also had two penises instead of the more common singular one. Many people have come to acsertain this factor as one which contributed heavily to Lincoln's frequently depressed moods and his eventual suicide.

"There has never been a black, or president of African-American descent."

True, but when Bill Bixby served a presidential term in the mid-1970's he was occasionally known to have sometimes turned green and burst out of his clothing.

"There has never been a woman president."

Not true. Teddy Roosevelt's mother liked to have him wear long-flowing childhood dressing gowns during his infant years and though actually born a man he later underwent a gender alteration. After serving as president he turned his attention to professional tennis where his appearances on the woman's circuit were somewhat controversial at the time. Thankfully this is no longer a cultural concern of any importance.

"No President has ever saved anyone from freezing in the Potomac River."

Not true. Due to his well-known proclivity towards extreme modesty, under a different name George W. Bush once dove into the cold February river waters to save people that he didn't even know after a tragic airplane crash. Years of heroically protecting the skies of Texas from vicious attacks by the North Vietnamese Air Force had soured his taste for personal fame, so he undertook that incredible river rescue under a pseudonym.

I think you get my drift. From Jones Report and otherwise widely disseminated sources comes this statement by a Bush administration official:

"We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.''

History itself never gives up its search for the true nature of reality. Someday the facts will be known. Check out the videos, look at the thermite charges bursting from the sides of the buildings as they fall faster than a ball dropped from their tops or a human body jumping from a high window.

And like history, science itself also never sleeps. Truth eventually prevails. We can all be assured that day will someday arrive when The Story of 9/11 comes out clean.

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